Nine signs it is time to come back to St. Martin

1. You don’t like the looks of that sky.

If you are lucky, there will be no rain, sleet, or snow coming out of those grey clouds. We specialize in blue skies and it rains mostly late at night here, if at all.

2. Vitamin D withdrawal (sunshine)

Ah, that brilliant golden orb, bathing your skin in warmth and natural vitamins. If you look outside and wonder where it went; look no further. We have it right here.

3. You are craving sand gravity

The term “sand gravity” is a well-known phrase with our regulars; that feeling you get when you settle into your beach chair and decide to cancel your plans for the rest of the day. Incidentally, wouldn’t that have made a great ending for the movie Gravity if Sandra Bullock crawled up onto the shores of Club Orient? Whoa! Is this earth?

4. Your friends at work just don’t understand

I’m referring to annoying your colleagues with stories from your last vacation to the point where they can't stand you anymore and hide when they see you coming.

5. You’re cold

Really cold. Always cold. Waking up cold. Going through your day cold. Going to bed cold. Wondering if your furnace thermostat is lying to you. Wearing so many layers of clothing, your laundry pile is doubled from the summer months. At least it’s warm by the dryer.

6. You can’t get off the internet

You belong to six St. Martin Facebook groups and follow thirty-five like pages. It may seem obsessive to some, but you quietly explain it keeps you from looking out your window.

7. Culinary frustration

Try as you might, you just can’t make the same croissants and baguettes you have come to love here at home, so you ask for them at the supermarket, where they look at you like you are nuts. You confirm this when you leave the place, screaming obscenities.

8. You engage in pirate fantasies

The bottle of rum you brought back home is empty. Anguish ensues. You look for a parrot that will perch on your shoulder in pet stores. They can’t stop laughing.

9. You are dreading the holidays

People ask what your menu for Thanksgiving and Christmas is going to be and you answer Johnny cakes, conch fritters, and grilled shrimp. They make other plans, believing you may be losing your mind.

If you are exhibiting at least three of these signs or symptoms, it is time to come back. Don’t delay! Book a trip now and get some relief!

9 places to visit in St. Martin/St. Maarten

1. Orient Beach

Our most popular beach, Orient has it all, from watersports to skinny dipping. Whether you like it quiet or lively, an area to suit your tastes only requires a hand-in-hand walk along the shore with your loved one.

2. Maho Beach

World famous for its proximity to the airport, you can enjoy the beach scene with planes flying in just over your head, or watch them from the comfort of the open air Sunset Bar and Grille. They also offer a daily drink special (we won’t mention the details). Just go and see for yourself.

3. Happy Bay

A short hike over the hill next to Friar’s Bay, Happy Bay is secluded, serene, and quite beautiful. The beach is shared by a handful of boaters and uninhibited sun worshippers on weekdays, and is a favorite of locals on the weekends (please be mindful of families on the weekends).

4. Grand Case

Located on the French side and a stone’s throw from Orient Bay, Grand Case is the place for world-class restaurants, curio shops, and breathtaking sunsets. Take it all in with a walk down this narrow boulevard and dine at a lolo or gourmet restaurant. Grand Case epitomizes French village charm.

5. Fort Louis

Overlooking the French capital of Marigot and constructed in 1767 to protect against foreign invaders, this landmark offers a stunning view and is well worth the hike. Bring your camera.

6. Orient Village

Located behind Orient Beach, a group of restaurants surround a village square featuring entertainment and shopping expos on select nights. Gourmet cuisine and an old-world French atmosphere make for a relaxing and romantic dinner date.

7. Shopping in Philipsburg

Let’s face it guys, there is going to be a shopping day, and the best place for it is this Dutch capital city. There are shops galore due to the cruise ship port, and island apparel, jewelry, electronics, and hard-to-find libations are all readily available at deep discount prices. If your spouse wants to look over virtually everything, you can kick up your heels at a waterfront bar and people watch until she gets her fill.

8. Cupecoy Beach

This beach comes and goes with the tides, but this does not stop frequent visitors from making Cupecoy their daily destination. Surf pounding the cliffs of Cupecoy make for postcard-quality photos, but be mindful of the beach patrons when taking them (you will see why).

9. Dutch side nightlife

A drive down the main drag beginning at Maho and leading into Philipsburg offers virtually every type of cuisine and entertainment. Casinos, discos, and a piano bar, are among the many attractions designed to keep your motor running well into the night.

St. Martin also offers zip-lining, hiking, a butterfly farm, and smaller island day-trips (just to name a few). If you are not already addicted to a beach and want to get out and explore, most hotels have flyers, pamphlets and a staff who are eager to help you find new places of interest.

10 reasons why you should never visit St. Martin

1. That brutal sunshine.

That cloud in the distance hasn’t moved in four hours! I went a month back home without seeing the sun once. How can you possibly expect me to adjust to this?

2. No consistency to accommodations.

I wanted an ocean high rise and got one. What is with all these quaint charming places with amazing views? Stop confusing me here!

3. The food prices are outrageous.

A full plate of grilled ribs, four sides, and a Carib for $13 bucks? You have got to be kidding me! And while we’re on the subject, what the heck is a Carib?

4. Too many beaches.

Look, when I book a vacation, I want to have a single beach to call my own. I don’t like hearing there are 30 or so others I need to visit. And the water is way too blue. I think they put food coloring in it.

5. There are pirates everywhere.

Mean, nasty, evil pirates, slogging down every drop of rum on the island. And it costs a third of what I pay back home, so they must want them here (hic).

6. Seriously, what’s so exciting about sitting on a beach and watching planes land?

OMG! I thought that one was going to take off my head! I better take cover at the bar. And why are all the woman at this bar topless? Egad!

7. Not enough fast food.

What’s with all this grilled snapper, lobster, and prime rib? I shouldn’t have to drive more than a mile for a whopper.

8. While we’re on the subject of beaches, one of them is full of naked people!

Heathens! I went there once just to see it with my own eyes. Okay, I went there six times.

9. Those annoying sunsets.

Every night, it’s like a rainbow exploded in my face. I swear they’re going to trigger a seizure eventually.

10. Excessive smiling.

All this friendliness from all these different cultures, all getting along so well is unnerving. These people must be up to something. There is definitely something sinister behind those grins.

Oh, and one more thing. Unnecessary diversions!

Watersports, excursions to neighboring islands, and hiking to secluded beaches is just too much for one vacation. Now we have to come back again. Dammit!

Take a trip over the border and explore French St. Martin

In responses to my Facebook posts from our island adventures, it became apparent to me that an old friend who has been to the island many more times than I had never really gotten out and explored everything “the rock” has to offer. She and her husband had never taken the hike to Happy Bay, never climbed to the top of Fort Louis to take in the spectacular view of Marigot, and never enjoyed the fine cuisine found in Marigot, Grand Case, and Orient Village. “You are missing out,” I told her. Although the Dutch side holds many attractions all its own, the French side experience is decidedly more European in its culture and “feel” (do I state the obvious?).

For us, a trip to Port de la Royale is mandatory for a late lunch after spending a beach day at Baie Rouge or Cupecoy. Just a short walk from a spacious parking area, it is tucked into the Simpson Bay Lagoon where Marigot “proper” begins. A three-sided boardwalk surrounds the end of the lagoon with a large number of restaurants. You have your choice of open-air dining or inside dining at most (if not all) establishments. A beautiful young lady or entertaining gentleman waits outside each one to draw you in to sample their respective cuisines.

Take a table near the docks and relax as the dinghies bring in folks from their yachts, or enjoy the people watching as others stroll the boardwalk. We like to debate whether the impeccably dressed woman casually walking by is a celebrity or famous model…you never know who may show up there.

The variety of dining choices is near endless, from lobster-stuffed chicken filet to submarine sandwiches (on banquette of course); we have never been disappointed on our visits to this port.

Once you exit the Marigot area, you will encounter rolling hills and pastures with grazing cows, along with goats and chickens carefully navigating the edge of the roads. Look for a left turn just past the small airport to arrive in Grand Case, a wonderful area with a lively street scene. There is parking available in a large lot and the narrow avenue is resplendent with restaurants and shops; again, an excellent opportunity to stroll and take in the French Island culture. The variety of epicurean delights is far greater than you might expect, with fine French cuisine to simple, yet tasty (and completely affordable) grilled fish, chicken, and ribs found at the outdoor Lolos that overlook the Grand Case beach.

Any establishment on the water offers a spectacular sunset; it is a good opportunity to take photos of your significant others with a breathtaking backdrop. Some places are energetic and crowded with locals, while others are quietly sophisticated. You can peruse the menus on signs posted outside most restaurants to decide what you are in the mood for while browsing the merchandise in an artist’s studio or learning to make your own perfume. Grand Case is a must-do every time we visit St. Martin.

Another area we favor is Orient Village, where we always feel we have been transported to a small town somewhere in France. The large courtyard behind the Orient Beach resorts features just a few restaurants with a great variety of cultural specialties and some of the friendliest staff you will ever encounter anywhere. Sit back and enjoy the open-air dining while watching the progress of a game of Pétanque on the gravel quad or listening to live music (not loud) on a stage in the center of this square. A completely relaxing and delightful “old world” experience.

I have since convinced my friend to stray from their timeshare on the Dutch side and get out and enjoy everything French St. Martin has to offer. There is much more to explore than simply Orient Beach for a day trip. Bon Appétit my friends!

Tim Stelma, contributing writer and author of the Happy Bay Novel series.

 click here to find out more about the Happy Bay book series